Five years ago I wrote a column titled “I Believe in Public Schools.” The column reads like a manifesto for the imperative role public schools play in our society. I still believe in public schools with all my heart and soul. But I have news to report. We just transferred our oldest, 16-year-old daughter from her large public high school (approximately 1,900 students total in grades 9-12) to the San Diego Jewish Academy (approximately 600 students total in grades kindergarten-12). Why? The public school just wasn’t working for her.
When she came home after her first week of 11th grade and said, “I don’t like CCA [Canyon Crest Academy] anymore I want to transfer to the Jewish Academy,” my husband and I were stunned. She loved being at CCA for ninth and 10th grades — so what changed all of a sudden? The second week of school seemed to go better. She didn’t mention transferring. We held our breath and hoped the crisis had passed. It hadn’t.
The third week she renewed her request to transfer. She was agitated and anxious. What happened to our sunny daughter? We saw her sorrow and felt her grief that CCA was no longer a positive place for her to be. Our wise Rabbi David Frank said at a sermon last year, “As parents, we’re only as happy as our least happy child.” Our child was unhappy, and so were we.
We tried to delve into her psyche to find the ONE COMPELLING CAUSE of her anguish. We never found one. Her unhappiness stemmed from a big-high-school-brew of factors — peer pressure, big class sizes that made it tough for her to focus and a loss of self-confidence.
My husband and I tried to convince her to stay at CCA. We told her she might not like the small size of SDJA’s high school (she’d be the 38th kid in the entire 11th grade). Then we barraged her with questions. How would she adjust to being in an environment where everyone knew everyone else’s business? How could she give up CCA’s Cinema Conservatory, the prestigious audition-only after-school filmmaking program she enjoyed her sophomore year? How would she catch up in Hebrew and Judaic studies, two required classes at SDJA? How would a transfer look on her college applications?
We asked ourselves some tough questions, too. How would she learn to develop inner strength if she didn’t tough it out at CCA? Were we stunting her emotional growth by “bailing her out” of a bad situation?
Despite our cross-examination of her motives for and the potential consequences of making a school change, she persisted in asking us to visit SDJA and check it out. My husband and I wondered if we should take her for a look. Where would a visit lead?
Then we hit a wall. Oldest daughter still wasn’t happy and neither were we. The school issue consumed us. Weren’t there more important issues — like the upcoming national and state elections, the continuing economic crisis, etc.? Not in our house.
We relented and took her to observe classes at SDJA. The faculty and campus impressed all of us. The small class sizes bowled us over. Oldest daughter had been struggling in a CCA pre-calculus classroom with 42 students. The harried teacher spent a lot of time managing the students leaving him little time to teach. The pre-calculus class she visited at SDJA has nine students. She told us the teacher took time to make sure everyone understood the problem sets.
For every question we posed, she had an answer. Instead of viewing SDJA as a small place where everyone knew each other’s business, she said it felt like a supportive family. She didn’t consider forgoing the Cinema Conservatory to be a creative crisis. Instead she saw it as an opportunity to make her own independent films. She knew she’d have to work hard in Hebrew since she hadn’t studied it since her bat mitzvah. But she welcomed the challenge. And she thought she’d like Jewish studies.
Oldest daughter insisted she knew what was best for her. We had to admit she was right. Paying private school tuition for two years wasn’t something we’d planned on. But once we wrapped our minds around the situation, we sucked in our middle-aged guts and tightened our belts. We’d make it work for her.
I feel ambivalent and guilty about sending oldest daughter to a private school. It’s a luxury most people can’t afford. I still believe wholeheartedly in public schools. Our middle daughter attends CCA and loves it. Youngest daughter is enjoying her last year of public elementary school. But every child is different. Sometimes smaller is better.
The Jewish Academy is making the sun shine again for oldest daughter. So what’s not to like? I can believe in private schools too.
