Chrismukkah?by Marnie Macauley November 28, 2016
True, Hanukkah isn’t one of our “biggies” but somehow between my childhood full of Chistmases under the neighbor’s tree to now, political correctness hit Hanukkah in a big way. With that, peace, love and buying out the Toys ‘R Us became a big deal in some Jewish homes. Is it ok to mix and match during December, especially in a year like this one where both holidays fall on the same day.
DO THEY HAVE A PRAYER?
Dear Marnie: I’m totally in love with my girlfriend. I would be completely happy to spend the rest of my life with her but I am Jewish and she is very Catholic. We have been together for over a year and her family hardly even knows me! They won’t even include me during Christmas! What can I do to get in closer with her family and get her to want me to know her family?
– Misunderstood in La Mesa
MARNIE SAYS: This is a Solomon-sized dilemma. But I’m sorry my man, I’m positively forced to douse you in Truth. Sit.
Core Beliefs are stitched like samplers onto our souls from the cradle. “Opposites attract” works if you like the wing and she’ll take the breast, but not so much when she’s on a strict spiritual diet of yin and you’re yanging away.
In the matter of deeply held beliefs, successful coupling requires someone’s gotta give-in or give up, and in this case, my friend, it’s going to be you. A whole year and you can’t get past her door jam? Her folks’ “union” rule will require you act, accept, embrace, convert, and raise children in their religion – if that. Get it?
Picture your castle hold circa Dec. 25, 2020. You’re attending church with your children and returning to feast on ham in the glow of trees and lights.
Dig down. How do you feel in this imagined situation? What will it cost you? Not sure? Try it on. Quit mouthing your adoration and see if her way fits you.
Even if you find the suit fits, there’s one more thing to consider – your parents. Are they ok with this? Do you care?
You see, young fellow, sharing a castle is tough enough. The question is, are you prepared to build one in a place so far from your home – for the sake of your princess?
TOO FAR TO BEND?
Marnie: I’m a 57-year-old divorced man in love with a 53-year-old widow. We have so many things in common. We love to dance, go boating, travel and always have a good time together. We’re thinking of marriage, but there’s one huge obstacle. Religion. I’m Jewish and she’s a staunch Born-again Christian. I don’t mind her beliefs, but she insists I share hers. I have no problem with her going to church, saying prayers, etc. But she has asked me to attend Christmas services and accept Jesus Christ as she does. This is extremely important to her, but this is one thing I can’t do. What do you suggest?
– All Mixed Up
MARNIE SAYS: Oy my friend. Remember what Tevye said in “Fiddler on the Roof?” If he bent too far his back would break. Well, honey, there it is. The question is, can you bend so far that you’ll meet your tailbone – and still call it “love?”
Why marriage? How about staying terrific friends. Friends come in all stripes and “types.” More, you rarely have to kneel or recite the Shma in front of them – especially while you’re dancing. You can agree to disagree and keep your beliefs separate while you’re touring the Colossus of Rhodes or sharing an omelet.
Ok, you adore each other. But there’s that Big “But.” Bending your 57 years of belief, values, and training isn’t a mere “gesture.” It requires a whole new human with a different way of thinking and being that will affect your DNA every day.
But you already know this, or you’d be doing a meet-and-greet with her fellow-believers to decide on Bible portions for the ceremony, instead of clacking away at me. So … be friends, or scour the world for like-minded women. At your age, the odds of finding another whoopdidooer who can “cut a rug” are about a million to one in your favor. Just open your door, up that Benny Miller … and hang a sign that says: “NICHT TRAMPLING.”